Rabu, 5 Disember 2007

Memilih Bakal Isteri Menurut Islam


Tahukah anda wahai insan bergelar wanita, betapa sukarnya pada masa ini untuk mencari seorang individu dari kalangan anda untuk dijadikan seorang isteri yang benar-benar solehah iaitu yang baik aspek agamanya. Lalu, sang lelaki kebanyakannya menghadapi kesukaran untuk membuat pilihan antara wanita yang kebanyakan atau harus terus menunggu dalam usaha pencarian wanita solehah sehingga memakan masa yang panjang. Kerana lamanya menunggu kelibat wanita solehah. Kemungkinan wanita solehah ini duduknya sememangnya sentiasa di rumah agaknya. Hakikatnya itulah yang terbaik sebenarnya.


Berikut adalah merupakan sedikit perkongsian yang telah saya selidiki dan perolehi daripada beberapa buah buku yang mana dengan harapan boleh dijadikan rujukan sama ada buat si pemuda atau perempuan umumnya.

Kepada si lelaki, mungkin tulisan ini mampu menjadi rujukan dalam usaha membuat penilaian terhadap karektor seorang wanita yang baik yang harus dipilihnya.

Manakala, bagi seorang perempuan, mungkin boleh dijadikan sebagai panduan untuk memperbaiki diri agar anda sentiasa tergolong dalam rangkaian dan barisan wanita yang solehah dan bakal dipilih oleh juga pemuda yang soleh. insyaALLAH.. .

Dalam persoalan ini, apabila seorang pemuda telah menemukan atau hendak menemukan seorang calon isteri yang dipandangnya sepadan dan berkenan di hati, hendaklah ia memeriksa sifat yang terpuji dan kriteria pegangan agama yang ada padanya. Janganlah kita hanya memfokuskan semata-mata kepada karektor duniawi, kekayaan, kecantikan dan kedudukan. Kerana di dalam suatu hadis Rasulullah s.a.w., seseorang wanita itu sebaiknya dipilih untuk dinikahi adalah kerana berdasarkan agamanya yang baik dan bukannya karena karektor selainnya.

Diriwayatkan dari Abu Hurairah r.a., ia berkata: Rasulullah bersabda:

“Wanita dinikahi karena empat perkara; karena hartanya, karena kedudukannya/ keturunannya, karena kecantikannya dan keranan agamanya. Maka, pilihlah yang baik agamanya niscaya engkau beruntung.” (Diriwayatkan oleh al-Bukhari (3/242), Muslim (2/1086), Abu Dawud (2047), an—Nasaa’i (6/68) dan Ibnu Majah (1858))

Ini kerana, dengan karektor agama yang baik inilah sebenarnya ia mencakupi segala faktor-faktor yang lainnya. Dengan aspek agama yang baik ini, keindahan akhlaknya terserlah, kecantikannya terjaga dan terpelihara, malahan martabat dan kehormatannya berbanding wanita di kancah masyrakat kebanyakan juga tinggi nilainya.

Secara umumnya, mereka yang baik agamanya dan lebih taqwanya adalah mulia dan dipandang tinggi di sisi Allah s.w.t.

“Sesungguhnya orang yang paling mulia diantara kamu disisi Allah ialah orang yang paling taqwa diantara kamu...” (al-Hujuraat 49: 13)

Sahabat-sahabat yang saya sayangi, di sini ingin saya nyatakan bahawa faktor atau aspek kecantikan itu bukanlah tidak diperlukan. Tetapi yang ingin saya maksudkan adalah janganlah sehingga kita membataskan semata-mata keinginan kita kepada kecantikan, kerana ia bukanlah prinsip yang dianjurkan Rasulullah s.a.w. sendiri dalam persoalan pemilihan pasangan Isteri.

Dalam hal ini, Sheikh al-‘Azim Abad di dalam kitab ‘Annul Ma’buud Syarh Sunan Abi Daud, ada menyatakan bahawa yang sewajarnya dipilih adalah wanita yang baik agamanya dan memiliki adab yang baik agar kelak berupaya menjadi pertimbangan kepadanya dalam pelbagai urusan kehidupan, terutamanya dalam urusan rumahtangga. Oleh kerana itu, Nabi s.a.w. memerintahkan supaya mencari wanita beragama yang merupakan puncak kepada pencarian (keutamaan pilihan).

Dengan merujuk pula kepada firman Allah s.w.t. berikut:

“Maka wanita yang solehah, ialah yang ta’at kepada Allah lagi memelihara dirinya (kehormatannya) ketika suaminya tiada, oleh karena Allah telah memelihara (mereka)." (Surah an-Nisaa’ 4: 34)

Sufyan ats-Tsauri berkata (Diriwayatkan oleh Ibnu Jarir dalam Tafsirnya (5/38) dengan sanad yang shahih): Kalimah “Qaanitaat” membawa maksud wanita yang taat kepada Allah dan kepada suaminya.”

Nabi pernah ditanya tentang sebaik-baik wanita, yang mana Baginda bersabda:

“Iaitu yang taat apabila diperintah, yang menyenangkan apabila dipandang serta menjaga diri dan harta suaminya.” (Hadits bertaraf sahih, diriwayatkan oleh imam Ahmad (4/341))

Bertepatan dari anjuran hadis Rasulullah ini, maka keutamaan kita dalam memilih calun isteri adalah menjurus kepada wanita yang baik urusannya dalam menjaga kehormatan dirinya dan harta suaminya, sama ada ketika berada di sisi suami, keluarga ataupun di ketika waktu ketiadaan suaminya, secara zahir dan batin yang didasari hati yang bersih serta suci lantaran kesan pegangan agamanya.

Dari kalangan tabi’in, Qatadah bin Di’aamah As-Saduusi pula berkata: “(Wanita yang septutnya menjadi pilihan) Adalah yang menjaga apa-apa yang telah Allah serahkan agar dijaga dari hak-hak suaminya. Menjaga dirinya saat suaminya tidak berada di sisinya.” (Diriwayatkan oleh Ibnu Jarir (5/39) dengan sanad yang shahih)

Telah disebutkan di atas tentang sifat sebaik-baik wanita iaitu,

“Serta menjaga diri dan harta suaminya.”

Abdullah bin Amru r.a. berkata: “Mahukah kalian aku beritahu tentang tiga jenis manusia yang celaka:

(iaitu) Imam yang zalim, bila engkau berbuat baik kepadanya ia tidak berterima kasih, jika engkau berbuat salah kepadanya ia tidak memaafkan. Tetangga/jiran yang jahat, jika ia melihat kebaikan padamu ia tutup-tutupi, jika melihat keburukan padamu ia menyebarkannya. Isteri yang buruk tabiatnya, jika engkau berada di sisinya ia membuatmu gusar/tidak senang. Dan bila engkau tidak berada di sisinya ia berkhianat.” (Diriwayatkan oleh Ibnu Abi Syaibah dalam kitab Al-Mushannaf (3/559) dengan sanad yang shahih)

Seterusnya, carilah wanita yang memiliki sifat-sifat yang penyayang. Semua ini mampu memberi infect atau kesan yang baik kepada anak-anak kelak serta kepada hati suami yang utamanya. Dalam hal ini,

Nabi s.a.w bersabda: “Nikahilah oleh kalian wanita yang penyayang lagi subur, kerana aku akan berbangga dengan jumlah kalian yang banyak di hadapan umat-umat lain pada hari Kiamat.” (Hadis Sahih, diriwayatkan oleh al-Khathib al-Baghdaadi dalam Tarikh Baghdad (12/377))

“Sebaik-baik wanita yang menunggang unta adalah wanita-wanita yang solehah dari suku Quraisy, mereka adalah wanita yang paling sayang kepada anak-anak sewaktu masih kecil dan yang paling menjaga hak dan harta suami.” (Diriwayatkan oleh Al-Bukhaari (3/240))

Begitulah sebagaimana yang dinyatakan oleh Baginda Rasulullah s.a.w. sendiri perihal keutamaan sikap penyayang pada seorang wanita. Dengan sifat inilah, anak-anak nantinya mampu dididik dengan baik dan penuh perhatian serta kasih sayang seorang ibu. Di sana, peranan ibu adalah suatu keutamaan yang besar sebagai pendidik awal setiap anak-anak yang dilahirkan di dalam sesebuah institusi kekeluargaan. Dari sinilah bermulanya jati diri anak-anak dibentuk untuk menjadi manusia yang baik di masa hadapan. Dengan gabungan faktor kesolehan seorang wanita yang di-adun dengan sikap amanah, berilmu dan kasih sayang seorang wanita, sudah pasti sesebuah rumahtangga mampu menjadi suatu medan atau institusi yang berkesan dalam melahirkan masyarakat yang islamic dan berdaya maju dari konteks tauhid, ubbudiyyah, mu’amalah, dan material.

Dari sifat yang penyayang juga, ia berupaya melahirkan sikap yang menyenangkan. Dan kriteria ini jugalah yang dititikberatkan oleh Rasulullah s.a.w. sebagaimana dalam hadisnya tadi, iaitu

“...yang menyenangkan apabila dipandang...”

Peribadi wanita yang bersifat menyenangkan ini apabila dipandang dan bergaul dengannya mampu menjadi penenang dan penunduk hati suami dan keluarga dalam pelbagai urusan rumahtangga. Sifatnya yang elok dipandang mampu mengawal hati suami dan kelak kepada anak-anak untuk sentiasa berperasaan suka dan mendamaikan suasana. Lantas melahirkan satu persekitaran yang harmoni di dalam sesebuah kekeluargaan.

Di samping sifat penyayang dan peribadi yang menyenangkan, faktor untuk mencari wanita yang mampu melahirkan anak yang baik atau faktor kesuburan juga adalah merupakan salah satu kriteria yang dititikberatkan oleh Rasulullah s.a.w. sendiri.

“Nikahilah oleh kalian wanita yang penyayang lagi subur...”

Dari sudut ini, kelangsungan hidup manusia dan generasi soleh/solehah akan dapat diteruskan melalui kelahiran zuriat-zuriat yang baik. Lantas, dari zuriat yang soleh/solehah (muslim ini) ia berupaya untuk menjaga aspek keturunan dari generasi ke generasi untuk membentuk masyarakat yang menegakkan syari’at Allah, meninggikan agama, memakmurkan alam semesta, dan memperbaiki kehidupan di muka bumi. (Rujuk: Menjaga Kehormatan Muslimah, sheikh Bakr Abdullah Abu Zaid, Daar an-Naba', m/s. 150-151)

Dari sini juga, kita dapat melihat betapa besarnya peranan wanita kepada ummah dan masyarakat sejagat dalam membina ketamadunan dunia. Wanita sebenarnya adalah merupakan akar umbi dan tonggak kepada pelbagai kejayaan generasi manusia.

Jika dilihat kepada sirah di zaman nabi dan para sahabat. Ibu-ibu yang tempatnya di rumah yang mana kefahaman agamanya baik-baik, merupakan faktor yang yang menjadi tonggak kejayaan masyarakat pada zaman itu. Dari didikan seorang wanita yang solehah, lahirnya ramai sekali panglima-panglima perang yang gagah perkasa dan bijaksana dalam mengatur pelbagai strategi ketenteraan. Malah, mampu membina generasi yang handal di medan tempur dan melahirkan para syuhada yang ikhlas dan tulus perjuangannya kepada agama Allah. Dengan didikan para ibulah, lahirnya ramai golongan ulama atau ilmuan tersohor yang sentiasa disebut-sebut namanya sehingga kini.

“Dan para wanita itu mempunyai hak yang seimbang seperti kewajiban yang ditanggung oleh mereka (terhadap suami) dengan cara yang ma’aruf (dan tidak dilarang oleh syara’); Dalam pada itu orang-orang lelaki (suami-suami itu) mempunyai satu darjat kelebihan atas orang-orang perempuan (isterinya). Dan (ingatlah), Allah Maha Kuasa, lagi Maha Bijaksana.” (al-Baqarah 2: 228)

Dari sini juga kita dapat melihat bagaimana terjalinnya hubungan antara kelebihan kaum wanita dengan kekuatan kaum lelaki sehingga keduanya akan saling melengkapi dengan masing-masing diberikan keistimewaan, keutamaan, dan tanggungjawab masing-masing.

“Dan (ingatlah), Allah Maha Kuasa, lagi Maha Bijaksana.” (al-Baqarah 2: 228)

Anjuran Rasulullah s.a.w. yang seterusnya adalah difokuskan kepada gadis-gadis yang perawan/dara iaitu yang masih belum pernah berkahwin;

Ini adalah berdasarkan hadis Jabir bin Abdillah, ia berkata: “Aku baru saja menikah.

Lalu Rasulullah bertanya: “Dengan siapa engkau menikah?”

“Dengan seorang janda.” Jawabku.

Rasulullah s.a.w bersabda: “Mengapa tidak dengan seorang gadis yang boleh engkau dapat bermain-main dengannya dan dia pun dapat bermain-main denganmu.”

Atau dalam riwayat yang lain beliau mengatakan: “Yang ia boleh membuatmu tertawa gembira dan engkau boleh membuatnya tertawa gembira.” (Hadis Riwayat Bukhari (111/240) & Muslim (11/1078))

Imam An-Nawawi rahimahullah berkata, di dalam Syarah Sahih Muslim (10/294): “Hadits ini menjelaskan tentang kelebihan menikahi gadis perawan/dara, dan menunjukkan bahawasanya menurut keutamaan menikahi mereka adalah lebih baik.”

Dalam hadis yang lain, Rasulullah s.a.w., beliau bersabda: “Nikahlah dengan gadis perawan, kerana mereka itu lebih manis bibirnya, lebih subur rahimnya, dan lebih redha dengan yang sedikit.” (Hadis Riwayat Ibnu Majah, (no. 1861) di dalam kitab an-Nikah)

Dalam persoalan ini, dapat dibezakan di antara wanita yang janda dengan yang gadis kerana mungkin sahaja wanita yang janda ini sudah memiliki anak yang perlu dijagai dan memerlukan lebih perhatian kepada anaknya. Selain itu, mungkin juga dia sudah beberapa kali hamil dan akan memiliki kebarangkalian keletihan untuk hamil lagi dan memiliki hasrat untuk tidak mahu memiliki anak lagi. Mungkin juga ia mampu mengganggu hubungan seksual suami dan isteri kerana kebiasaannya wanita yang berstatus janda tidak cukup dengan hubungan/layanan yang sedikit. Berbeza dengan gadis yang masih belum pernah berkahwin, ia lebih mudah terangsang dan redha dengan layanan yang sedikit. (Rujuk: Indahnya Menikah ‘Ala Sunnah Nabi, Amru Abdul Mun’im Salim, Daar an-Naba’, m/s. 52)

Akhir sekali, suatu yang perlu di-ambil perhatian. Bahawasanya Allah dan Rasul-Nya melarang lelaki ataupun sebaliknya untuk menikahi atau mengahwini pasangan yang terdiri dari kalangan penzina. Tetapi pilihlah wanita yang mulia, suci dan terjaga kehormatannya sebagaimana yang dinyatakan di awal tulisan ini tadi,

“...yang ta’at kepada Allah lagi memelihara dirinya (kehormatannya) .” (an-Nisa’ 4: 34)

Persoalan ini juga dijelaskan oleh Allah s.w.t. sebagaimana di dalam firman-Nya yang berikut:

“Laki-laki yang berzina tidak mengawini melainkan perempuan yang berzina, atau perempuan yang musyrik; dan perempuan yang berzina tidak dikawini melainkan oleh laki-laki yang berzina atau laki-laki musyrik, dan yang demikian itu diharamkan atas orang-orang yang mukmin.” (an-Nuur 24: 3)

Dalam suatu riwayat, sebelum turunnya ayat ini seorang sahabat bernama Abu Martsad al-Ghanawi r.a. datang menemui Rasulullah s.a.w. meminta restu/keizinan untuk menikahi seorang wanita pelacur yang dahulunya semasa jahiliyyah adalah bekas kekasihnya (wanita itu bernama ‘Anaq). Dan sehinggalah turunnya ayat di atas (Surah an-Nuur 24: 3) Rasulullah s.a.w. menjelaskan “Jangan dinikahi wanita itu!” (Diriwayatkan oleh imam yang empat kecuali Ibnu Majah)

Ini antaranya adalah kerana wanita penzina dan pelacur itu boleh mengganggu urusan kebahagian sesebuah rumahtangga dan institusi kekeluargaan pasangan suami isteri. Malah status pelacur/penzina ini sendiri menurut Ibnu Umar r.a. adalah merupakan antara manusia yang celaka sebagaimana riwayat ini (telah dijelaskan di awal tulisan), “wanita yang apabila engkau tidak berada di sisinya ia berkhianat.”

Manakala menurut Hasan al-Basri rahimahullah; “Tidaklah halal dinikahi wanita penzina dan wanita simpanan.” (Diriwayatkan oleh Sa’id bin Mashur dalam as-Sunan (5/8) dengan sanad yang sahih)

Adapun begitu, andainya dia (wanita yang awalnya seorang penzina) merupakan dari kalangan wanita yang sudah bertaubat dan sudah meninggalkan perbuatan pelacuran, maka keharaman itu terhilang dan termansuh sebagaimana menurut Abdullah bin Abbas r.a.: “Awalnya zina akhirnya nikah, awalnya haram akhirnya halal.” (Diriwayatkan oleh Ibnu Abi Syaibah (3/529) dengan sanad yang sahih)

Dan daripada firman Allah s.w.t.:

"...kecuali orang-orang yang bertaubat sesudah itu dan memperbaiki (dirinya), maka sesungguhnya Allah Maha Pengampun lagi Maha Penyayang." (an-Nuur 24: 5)

Shilah bin Asyyam rahimahullah berkata: “Tidak mengapa menikah keduanya samaada wanita atau pemuda dengan penzina yang telah bertaubat kepada Allah. Allah lebih berhak menerima taubat keduanya. Jika keduanya adalah penzina dan belum bertaubat, maka lelaki yang buruk pasangannya juga adalah dengan wanita yang buruk pula. (Diriwayatkan oleh Ibnu Abi syaibah (3/528) dengan sanad yang sahih)

Sebagai kesimpulan, membuat pilihan calon isteri bukanlah suatu perkara yang boleh dipandang remeh. Ia amat berat pada hakikatnya kerana ia bakal menjaga urusan dalam kekeluargaan yang diketuai oleh seorang lelaki bernama suami. Dan bakal menjadi pembimbing anak-anak atau zuriat yang kelak bakal dilahirkan. Kriteria-kriteria yang baik berserta kebijaksanaan dalam pelbagai bidang ilmu tertentu dan persoalan keagamaan perlu dilihat sebagai keutamaan supaya segala perjalanan kehidupan di masa mendatang bakal ter-urus dengan baik dan tersusun. Supaya kelak, kehidupan anda bersama keluarga bakal mengecapi suasana yang aman bahagia dan tenteram. Lantas mampu melahirkan masyrakat yang berhubungan dengan harmoni.

Antara ciri-ciri yang lain bagi calon isteri yang baik secara umum adalah seperti berilmu, sentiasa bersyukur, tahu menjaga hubungan yang baik dengan kaum keluarga kedua belah pihak, memiliki daya kepimpinan terhadap pengurusan rumahtangga dengan baik, memahami kehendak/keperluan suami, batas pergaulannya terjaga, dan sentiasa menjaga penampilan yang baik.

“Kebahagiaan manusia ada tiga: Wanita yang solehah, tempat tinggal yang baik, dan kenderaan yang baik. Sedangkan kesengsaraan manusia ialah: Wanita yang buruk (perangainya) , tempat tinggal yang buruk, dan kenderaan yang buruk.” (Hadis Riwayat Ahmad (1/168), dengan sanad yang sahih)

Dan mereka berkata (berdoa): "Wahai Tuhan kami, anugerahilah kepada kami isteri-iesteri kami dan zuriat keturunan kami sebagai penyenang hati kami, dan jadikanlah kami imam ikutan bagi orang-orang yang bertaqwa. (al-Furqan 25: 74)

Dan sebaik-baik wanita itu adalah mereka yang soleh dalam agamanya, sebagaimana hadis berikut:

“Dunia itu seluruhnya adalah perhiasan, sebaik-baik perhiasan dunia adalah isteri yang solehah.” (Hadis Riwayat Muslim, Kitab ar-Ridha)

InsyaALLAH, artikel seterusnya akan bersambung dengan tajuk:

“Memilih Calun Suami Anjuran Rasulullah s.a.w.”

Sumber:

http://an-nawawi. blogspot. com/2007/ 11/memilih- calun-isteri- anjuran-rasulull ah.html

98 ulasan:

Cik Mek Buku berkata...

Assalamualaikum iskandar;

Sungguh bagus article dan kupasan yang diberi.. tapi di mana hendak mencari "suami" pilihan ya?

Agak sukar mencari suami yang baik budi pekerti dan beriman dgn sungguh2.. Doakan saya supaya berjumpa dengan yang suami yang demikian, Amin.

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